As a kid, you find friends somewhat arbitrarily. You’re best friends with your cousins, with the rando kid next door or you base friendships on the flimsiest of reasons.

“Hey – you like Smurfs, I like Smurfs
– let’s be best friends!”

So, you’re an adult now and you’ve got big goals. More than ever, you gotta surround yourself with inspiring people who match your energy and ambition level – not necessarily all the time, but most of it.

You want to be an entrepreneur, you gotta hang out with entrepreneurs.

You want to be rich, hang out with people who have an abundance mindset.

Success breeds success.

If you’re hanging with wannabe writers with three unfinished novels in their bottom drawer, or actors who only do freebie experimental plays, you’ll see them as your barometer to success.

It sucks when you’re trying to do something out of the ordinary – write a book, start a business, live an unconventional life and you’re the “weird one”. Maybe you’ve stopped talking about your business at family gatherings or you get asked strangely personal questions like “are you making any money yet” or “are you even qualified to do that?”.

You can’t be a chicken if you’re an eagle. It doesn’t mean that you’re better than them, you just need to experience something different.

For years, I was the black sheep in my friendship circle. I loved talking about money, learning about marketing and read personal development books for fun. Years later, I’ve found my tribe and I know thousands of women around the world who match my ambition level and get excited talking about launches, opt-in rates and are happy to meet up at conferences around the world. Yay, not weird any more!

I heard about this amazing, creative hippie chick Leonie Dawson who was rocking the business world and now I talk with her about money and marketing. It’s awesome to be around people who say “girlfriend, you killed that blog post” or “What’s your income goal next month? You can totally do that!”Eventually you have to consciously choose the people around you, because like it or not, they’ll influence what you believe is possible for yourself.When I was in a job and hating it, I only knew people who hated their full time jobs. Slowly, I started hanging out with people who had businesses on the side, like I did. Together we supported each other and talked about our business ideas.Eventually some took the plunge like I did and went part time at our jobs, so we freed up some time. Some people got stuck at that point and never made the transition to actually making money from their hobbies.When I was in that space, I started meeting people who actually made awesome money from their business, so I started to believe it was possible. It wouldn’t have happened if I just hung out with disgruntled employees.It’s fun to hang out with women who have big goals and hold the space for you. It’s fun to brag about your accomplishments with someone who gets it. It’s fun to get together at fancy restaurants and share marketing ideas.

It can sound a bit bitchy or ruthless but seriously, you don’t have to be friends with everyone. You don’t have to quit friendships but you need at least SOME people around you who “get” what you’re doing.

The old adage, some people come into your life for a reason or a season, or to put it another way, some people come into your life for an age or a stage.

You want an amazing marriage – stop hanging out with people who constantly bitch about their husbands, or create drama by sleeping around with idiots.

You want to be successful at business, hang out with people who follow through on their ideas, have a positive mindset and are investing in their own personal growth.

Really, finding friends as adults shouldn’t be much more complicated than this:

“Hey, you like to talk about personal growth, I like to talk about personal growth – wanna be Facebook friends?”.. and then you can just try it out.

Sometimes you transition slower than some people and it’s not like school where you have to wait for the slowest person. You can speed ahead when you need to.

It’s okay to outgrow some groups. When you make traction in your business, transition away from “start up” mentality and into smaller groups so you’re constantly growing and changing.

You don’t have to officially break up, unfriend them on Facebook or make a big drama out of it, you can just transition into a new friendship or networking group.

Organise meet ups or Skype dates

I’ve been imaginary friends with fellow entrepreneur Amanda Moxley for years. We’d watched each other’s videos, we’d been Facebook friends, we just hadn’t taken the next logical step. So she emailed me, “Wanna have a Skype date?” and it was like we’d known each other for years. We have similar sized businesses and we can talk at a level about our similar challenges.

Action – invite someone awesome for a Skype date.

Invest in smaller mastermind groups

I’ve always gone to personal development conferences but it was time for me to get away from 200 person events and transition into smaller mastermind groups. That costs money and it SHOULD cost money. Why? So you can be inspired by people who are making money, not wannabes who are looking for the next free event.

You can find the right mastermind tribe or create one. I love having several mastermind groups, just ensure they are stretching you to the next level.

Action – Ask the most successful woman you know for a mastermind recommendation.

You can seriously find any type of group online. Choose your preferred gender, age, style, etc. I love hanging with young, ambitious women who swear occasionally, wear high heels, drink champagne and love talking big money goals.

It’s okay to be competitive within those groups. It’s not about being the best, it’s about being inspired to raise your game. I love being in groups where I have the median income. That way I feel good about inspiring others and I’ve got somewhere go aspire to. When I become the highest income earner in a group, I know it’s time to stretch to the next level.

Basically – if you feel awkward sharing your biggest goal, you’re in the wrong circle.

What’s most important for you?

At the end of the day, you’re achieving your goals for a reason. Whether it’s to have more freedom and abundance in your life or because you just gotta create no matter what.

Don’t let your friendships be the excuse to why you’re not achieving your goals. Surround yourself with the right people and you’ll FLY.

Plus it’s MUCH more fun.

xx

P.S Some people are just dicks and you have permission just to get rid of them from your life.

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Denise Duffield-Thomas is a business coach for exceptional women and the author of Lucky Bitch. Get her popular free manifesting guide “The Lucky Bitch Secrets of Outrageous Success” at www.DeniseDuffieldThomas.com