This article elaborates on a topic I’ve written about previously: Can’t Read for Everyone – go check it out!
My husband is notorious for becoming quite the brat if he’s forced to do something that he doesn’t want to do. He digs his heels and won’t budge, or if I get him someplace he doesn’t want to be, doing something he doesn’t want to do, he acts out like a 2 year old. There’s a well-known story about him pulling this stunt on an ex, and narrowly avoiding getting beaten up by strangers by him deliberately saying inflammatory things just to “get out of” the situation… or simply to prove a point: he doesn’t want to be someplace, and this is what you’ll get. [An aside: he was playing Devil’s advocate in a situation where he really shouldn’t of—and he deserved what he got!]
Why am I talking about this? I understand the impulse… especially when I have a client for the umpteenth time asking “Will he/she come back?” I have often said that I am not the best at romance readings, simply because of this one question. “Is he my soulmate?” is another question that rubs me wrong in a similar way, because I personally don’t believe in soulmates. I DO believe in kindred spirits. And don’t get me started on twin flames, either!
But when I get a person coming to me for a reading that I simply don’t gel with (and vice-versa), I don’t understand the impulse to force the issue. When I refuse to read for someone, whether I’ve read for them before or not, it’s for a good reason: I’m not feeling the vibe, and if I’m not feeling the vibe, that person is going to get a pretty crappy reading. I pride myself on giving good readings, or putting myself in the right frame of mind or situation in order to give the best reading possible. And if the best reading possible is not with me, then so be it… I’m not going to take your money if I think a better reader for you is elsewhere, or just not me.
Forcing someone into a corner, making them take on you as a client? Why do people do this? Is this some deep-seated feelings of rejection bubbling up to the surface, working their way out or projected onto your poor tarot reader that has made it clear they’re no longer the right reader for you? And why would you willingly pay money to a person that has said they’re not a right fit for you? That’s just wasting your money and your time (and the reader’s). Why the hassle? Why the drama? Wouldn’t you WANT your reader to tell you they don’t think the readings are working anymore, that we keep circling the same cards and the same answers to the same questions? Wouldn’t you want them to tell you you are wasting your money on readings with you, because it’s the same reading every time?
So here’s the skinny, from both sides of the reading table: what to do when you have someone you can’t read for, and what to do when you’ve been told you’re not getting a reading from a reader.
If you are a reader:
- Sit with the knowledge you have, both thoughts and intuitive hits. Have you read for this person before? If so, what has changed between their first reading and their last? If the answer is “nothing”, can you honestly say that your readings are giving value to the client? This is going to be based on your reading style, but answer these questions honestly… especially if you have the same reading style as mine and you are looking for evolution, empowerment, proactivity, and forward movement.
- Think about what it is like when you are reading for this client (if you have done so already). Pay attention to not only your thoughts but any physical reactions or sensations. Do you have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you think of that client or reading for them? (Note: usually when I feel something “in my gut” I use a contracted feeling as a “no” and an expansive butterflies feeling as a “yes”. How you feel in your body may vary – my point is to pay attention to those feelings.)
- How is the flow of a reading with this client (if you’ve read for them before)? Do you feel stuck, stumbling, uncertain, or feel like getting psychic information for this person is like pulling taffy (and you are not “new” to giving readings)? This may be a sign that it is time for them to move on to a different reader. (Note: this is not to say that a reader’s job is easy, all the time. Far from it! But there is a difference between simple, ease, and flow. If the flow ain’t there… it’s something to examine.)
- If you can talk with your client honestly about your concerns, do so. This may be an “in the moment” conversation, especially if you are reading the cards and nothing is coming to you (and you have tried any releasing blockages techniques, such as moving onto the next card in a spread, etc.). Be clear: “I’m really not making sense of this reading right now. Would you like to reshuffle?” if all else fails, refund and refer. Even the nicest of people we’re not meant to read for.
If you are the client:
- I repeat: Even the nicest of people we’re not meant to read for. This may be hard, but do NOT take it personally if your reader doesn’t want to work with you or doesn’t want to continue to work with you. This street goes both ways, by the by: I have had plenty of clients have only one reading with me, and then either move onto a different reader, or only need that one reading. I don’t dwell on it, really… and neither should you. Find a different reader.
- Do not harass or bully the reader into doing a reading for you. I wish this went without saying, but… I’m saying it. How useful do you think a coerced reading will be?
- If your reader has said that they either don’t think that they are the right reader for you, or believe that they are no longer the right reader for you, most readers will give you a referral to another reader. If they haven’t, feel free to ask them for a referral to another reader. I promise you, most reputable readers will absolutely not take offense to this: there is enough work for all of us to go around, and in doing so you may find a reader that is absolutely a perfect fit for your needs. Win fucking win, baby!
I’m big on what I like to call containers: methods, rituals, and practices which create containers in which I can do my best work. This is for the benefit of not just me, but for my clients: ALL of my clients. Creating and enforcing boundaries is also an important piece of this work, and the reason why when I AM the right reader for you, the reading is amazing, insightful, and helpful to you – BECAUSE I care enough to keep the containers in which I do my best work intact.
Blessings,
~*~Hilary~*~
www.tarotbyhilary.com
hilary@tarotbyhilary.com
Book your reading here.
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HILARY PARRY HAGGERTY is a tarot reader, witch, mentor, editor, and teacher. She has been reading tarot for over 21 years (13 years professionally). She was the winner of Theresa Reed’s (The Tarot Lady) Tarot Apprentice contest in 2011, and has taught classes on tarot and spell-work at The Tarot School’s annual tarot conference Readers Studio and at Brid’s Closet Beltane Festival. She writes a weekly blog on tarot at her website www.tarotbyhilary.com and has been featured in Maxim Magazine and BuzzFeed.
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© Hilary Parry Haggerty | Tarot by Hilary
This is a FABULOUS post, Hilary. If someone doesn’t want to work with you, move on. That goes both ways. Clinging to a reader – or a client – when the energy isn’t right doesn’t lead to good results for either. It doesn’t matter who isn’t feeling it, what matters is that both sides need to feel in alignment. That’s the best energy for a clear, helpful tarot reading. Or, frankly, any service. If your dentist didn’t want to work with you because they didn’t think they were the right fit, would you try to force them and get shitty about it? Probably not. You’d take the referral and move on. This should be same attitude when a tarot reader/healer/astrologer/etc says “we’re not a good fit.”
Well put, Theresa! Thank you for reading, and for always helping me in establishing (and enforcing) the boundaries that I need to do my best work in this field. I appreciate it immensely!
Thank you for this outstanding post, Hilary. It is something that I’ve never seen anyone discuss, but it happens, probably more than folks might otherwise guess.
Offering these graceful ways to understand when this comes up, and then amicably move forward is a great service — to both querents and readers. Brilliant job!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Beth Owl’s Daughter! I really appreciate it… and I too wish people would talk about this topic more: it makes me feel less alone and way more validated knowing that other readers have had this issue too… and very happy that I can provide helpful information on this little-spoken-about topic!