Sometimes, you just have to say “No.”
You know the saying, “You can’t please everyone”?
Well, I’ve got a new spin on it: “I can’t read for everyone.”
Here’s a little story. I was doing readings at Whimsies Incognito one evening. It was quiet, and two women came in, not sure if they were in the right place. The first woman sat down, while her friend looked around.
From what I remember (and keep in mind, I rarely remember the content of people’s readings), it wasn’t a great reading. She looked bored through the entire reading (all ten minutes of it) and got annoyed when the timer went off. “That’s it?” she said. Had I been a younger, more inexperienced reader, I probably would have been reduced to tears at her reaction. Instead, I cheerfully chirped “Yup!”, she paid, and then she said snidely to her friend hovering in the doorway, “Don’t bother, she’s not worth it,” as they sailed out the door.
Ouch. Like I said, if I were my younger self, that would have been a big owwie to my ego. Instead, my thicker skin won out, and I laughed and shared a beer with my friend. Hey, you can’t win ‘em all.
Fast-forward to last year. I had read for a client a few times, and while I liked this client very much as a person, I was feeling that the readings were getting more difficult to do. I’m not saying all readings are a picnic for me, but sometimes a reading can be like pulling taffy or molasses: the information doesn’t come as quickly as it should, and it’s a struggle. It was at that point that I did a gut-check: Did I still want to work with this person? Yes. Did I think a break from the readings was in order? Another yes. Did I think she would benefit from a second opinion of another respected reader? Yes, I thought so.
Instead of outright ditching her as a client, I recommended that instead of scheduling yet another reading with me she should schedule with someone else, to get their intuitive insight on her situation. I suggested two reputable readers, and also assured her that she could return to me for a reading after seeking a second opinion. I did it out of a place of compassion and ultimately what I thought was best for my client…
… and she took it surprisingly hard. At certain points I had the thought of, “Is this the termination of a business relationship or a romance?” It was a very 8 of Cups situation, and it made me really sad. Due to how she reacted to what I thought was a reasonable situation, I had to ultimately say that I could no longer read for her at all.
What did I learn from those two clients?
- Boundaries are incredibly important. What is good for the goose may not be good for the gander, and ultimately it is up to me what I will and won’t allow in my sphere.
- Being unable to read for certain people is not a failing on my part as a reader (it took me quite a bit of time to come to this conclusion!). Some energies just don’t mesh, and just like the changing nature of relationships, what once worked in the past may not work in the future. It is not a “one size fits all” type of relationship.
- I have to honor my gut. While it may have resulted in fallout, it wasn’t because I made the wrong choice.
Blessings,
~*~Hilary~*~
www.tarotbyhilary.com
Image courtesy of Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Join in the discussion: Can you read for yourself, but not others? Read for others, but not for yourself? Have you ever been able to read for someone, and then gradually not be able to anymore? Leave your thoughts in the Comments section below.
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This is such an interesting topic and a wonderful article – thank you Hilary 🙂 I felt very comforted as I read your words. This kind of thing has happened to me as well and I really liked your tips for dealing with this. I have gotten so that now I kind of get a weird vibe when someone who is not a good fit for me requests a reading – if I ignore my gut instinct, I always regret it!
Kate
Thanks for commenting, Kate! Yes, usually our intuition will tell us if the client is a good fit or not… and while I want to be able to help everyone through the tarot, I know it’s simply not possible and another reader will be a better fit for them. 🙂
Hi Hilary,
Thank you so so so much! I’ve been trying to help as many clients as I can, however, my intuition seemed to experience blank/blockage with some people. So thank you for clarifying this! It helps to know that this is perfectly normal and I am not the only one who is experiencing this.
You’re so welcome, Canti! Thank you for reading!
Speaking from the other side, after a reading with someone that was uncomfortable and not about me, that then ended with her acknowledging the lack of connection, I prefer the reader who says it at the beginning. I do appreciate the time she took with me, and I learned something to take with me; don’t force a reading. I don’t judge this reader by my experience as a “bad” reader. We just didn’t connect, that could be from my end or hers.
I have used this, and after saying that I wasn’t connecting or comfortable, I’ve both ended sessions, and restarted sessions. Sometimes bringing it up, can allow both parties to reset, and move forward.
I loved that you have shared this, as it’s great information to know as both the reader and the quarent.
Thanks for your comment, Shari! Yes, I’ve had that happen too, and I agree with you – I’d rather hear a lack of connection at the beginning, rather than the end or after a few sessions. (When I’m in the reader’s seat, I’ll usually read the first card and ask the querent if that sounds true/right/resonates – if it does, I continue the reading. If it doesn’t, I have them reshuffle. If it happens again, then we have the “maybe I’m not the right reader for you” conversation.)
I’m currently at work on a new blog post that may provide further insight on these issues. Look for it today! Thanks for reading!
Thanks for this information. I get a blockage (almost like brain fog) when I am with a client I cannot read for. When I look at the spread and nothing makes sense, I will discuss with the client that I am not going to provide her/him with any valuable information, and recommend s/he see another reader. It happens in our business, we can’t read for everyone, I believe when brain fog happens for me, I am not meant to read for that person, and I am okay with it. Being honest with the client is the best policy.
You’re so welcome, Lynn! You are absolutely right: honesty is the best policy.
Please stay tuned to the blog today: A new related post is coming out on what to do from both sides of the reading table when a reader can’t read for you!