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This year was the year of 2 Samhains for me: my coven celebrated a small private gathering, and then the next weekend I traveled to NYC and helped facilitate our sister coven’s public celebration in Midtown Manhattan.

Only in retrospect am I realizing that this was a lot for me. Maybe too much, with this being the first Samhain since my father passed away unexpectedly last year.

I was expecting to not hear from him. That’s the reason why I took on two Samhains: there was no way he’d make his presence known, besides the song that has been following me and my sister around in the months since his passing… the only communication from the other side from him that we have both experienced, that we can agree on.

I was wrong. I heard from him. I heard from him A LOT. Things that I hadn’t thought about in years came flooding back, memories of Toblerone and backgammon and happier times, and beating him at chess and knowing I had truly beaten him on my own merits (he would never let me win; never intentionally throw a match).

Samhain can be hard if you’ve lost someone. To many people, Halloween is a fun holiday of candy and costumes and harmless scares. To the grieving… it’s something different. It’s real, as Megan Devine of Refuge in Grief writes. And to the witch that is grieving AND knows the veil between the living and the dead is pretty darn thin… it can be something different and overwhelming on a whole other level.

If you’re a tarot reader at this time of year, you’ll get those questions about deceased relatives, as many people assume that if you can read tarot you can also talk to the dead. Sometimes that’s true. Sometimes it’s not.

It can be hard getting messages for others but not hearing messages for yourself, the little comfort you can give in being the messenger not available when it comes to your own losses.

Yes. Two Samhains was one Samhain too much. Hindsight is always 20/20.… Continue Reading